14 definitions by Mai Ainsel
Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.
Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"
Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."
OR
Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."
Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."
Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."
OR
Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."
Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."
by Mai Ainsel March 26, 2022
Someone who pretends to be your friend in the hopes that they can eventually manipulate your friendly attachment to them into a romantic relationship
"Bob keeps pretending to be friends with girls, then passive-aggressively trying to guilt them into dating him because he's such a Nice Guy. He's a real friendzone predator."
by Mai Ainsel June 28, 2020
A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a woman lets her own sexual interest in someone strongly color her judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in her. It makes her interpret every gesture from her object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as dickful thinking if it's a man.
Her: "So my one night stand from 3 weeks ago hasn't called me, even though I gave him my number and my email. He didn't give me his real name or contact info, but he mentioned he was a professor, so I looked through the online faculty profiles of every university in 100 miles, and found his picture. I think he'd like to see me again but just lost my contact info. Should I email him at the work address I found on the faculty website, or just show up and surprise him after one of his classes? I think he'd like being surprised like that."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
by Mai Ainsel February 5, 2020
The cough/cold/flu everyone gets after going to Hajj, because you're stuffed up close with people from every corner of the world, and one of them is gonna have whatever flu virus it is that you aren't immune to
by Mai Ainsel February 9, 2020
Bob: "We better get out of here before the teacher catches us."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"
Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"
Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."
by Mai Ainsel December 17, 2020
Sort of like "you do you," but with a strong implication that you're talking out of your ass. Basically "you're an idiot and what you're saying is stupid, if you want to keep going I guess I won't stop you."
Bob: "The world is run by lizard people."
Sue: "There's no such thing as lizard people, but go off, I guess."
Sue: "There's no such thing as lizard people, but go off, I guess."
by Mai Ainsel July 1, 2020
The alter ego responsible for anything bad you were caught doing. Originally a meme based on a Tumblr user that claimed "Eminem isn't violent, Slim Shady is," and the response "im robbing a bank tomorrow and when the cops come for me imma tell them it was my alter ego countess boochie flagrante," it is now used for any time someone tries a "that isn't really who I am" excuse.
Person: "I'm sorry about that videoed incident of me screaming racial slurs at minorities! I just want you to know, that does not represent the sort of person I am."
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
by Mai Ainsel November 6, 2019